The Never-Ending Nightmare
It was October. Days started out with a chill, the previous day’s heat having snaked away overnight. Dew-stained ground and the sharp scent of rural air assaulted my nose as I slowly made my way through the field beside my house. Two dogs wandered purposefully ahead of me, straining at their leashes, noses buried in […]
Big boys don’t cry
You’re age five and fall off your bike and scrape your knee so you start to cry. And mommy says, “Suck it up, big boys don’t cry.“ You’re age six and hyperactive and sent to a mental institution for kids. You’re scared and alone and afraid of the dark and want to go home. You […]
Temptation
Tick-tock Tick-tock The second hand on the clock ticking away Tick-tock Tick-tock Seconds blur into minutes blur into hours Tick-tock Tick-tock The seconds counting down, the only sound aside from harsh breathing Shaking, a sick feeling bares down like the weight of their expectations Stirring, reaching blindly for another taste of freedom Tick-tock Tick-tock Ragged […]
Always second best
Bottle of cheap whiskey sitting on my desk Ruminations of how I got to this point Screaming into my pillow because I’m dead inside Screaming into my pillow because I’m too old to punch walls Screaming because this has built inside of me for so long And I don’t know how to let it out […]
A typical morning
“BRRIIIIIIIIIIIIINGGGG. BRRIIIIIIIIIIIING. BRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIING.” The shrill scream blaring from the speaker on Sophia’s phone jolts her to consciousness. Always the same sound, always the same reaction. Gasping for breath from the sheer dump of adrenaline that always accompanies the experience of being screamed awake, she reaches blindly to her side and grasps the phone. She squeezes […]
Precipice
Wearily trudging up the last flight of stairs to the top floor, I lean against the wall beside the door, hurriedly wiping my tears so my roommate won’t see them. After taking a deep, shuddering breath, I unlock the door and step inside. I barely glance at him as my make my way to the […]
Dear Johnnie
At the time of this writing, I was 98 days sober. The week prior my therapist encouraged me to write a goodbye letter to alcohol. I was encouraged to write like alcohol was a person. I ended up writing to Johnnie Walker, because red label was my drink of choice. It ended up coming out […]