A raging emptiness carves a path of devastation
Fingers outstretched
Tightly clinging to empty nothingness
Desperate
Gasping
Grasping at prior promises of serenity
Wrenching notion that…
For a moment
Inhale
Try desperately to hold, but shaky breath escapes
No room for both air
And the all-encompasing devotion
To occupy my lungs at the same time
Just for a moment
Inhale
The scent of you flooding my senses
The taste of you lingering on my soul
Cloying
Indescribable
The feel of you
Sharp angles and biting wit and tender looks and plush skin and rough hands so gentle and pure I almost believe they could wipe away my sins
Head on your breast
Your heartbeat a static tempo in my ear
Unsaid words caught like choked desires in my throat
Eardrums echoing with lovely pressure against your chest
Each thump Thump
thump Thump
Tattooing a beat in my head
i love you i love you i love you i love you
Your fingers carding my hair
Life’s weights and worries and upsets falling away
Paltry
Against each caress
Being held by you
is
like
Bolting in the car after a frantic race through the rain
Soaked, panting, relief
Exhilarating
The depths of our history
Spanning years and infinities and just this moment
Swirl and streak through and between the amber-kissed hazel of your eyes
I fall
The hope & possibility limitless
To fight against it
Fruitless
I surrender
I fall
Full body/soul embracing
Not just or maybe also the reality of you and us and this and
god
Hope has never tasted so sweet
And yet in this moment
Never quite so bitter
Have I tasted defeat
I can’t breathe
Each halted breath yanked out like a cold appendage reaching down my throat
Neck bulging
Squeezing lungs so tightly
Frozen maw of inconsolable drowning
Chest
Heaving
Gasping
Blurry vision
Tunneling
Oblivion
Your eyes beseeching
Hooks impaled in our psyches
Brittle fighting
Arms outstretched reaching
Reaching
Yearning
Despondency spilling forward
Screaming
Incoherent screeching
Anything to slow stop halt prevent delay avert
This sundering
I try to fight
Immobilized
Violated
Let me go back
please god let me go back
Already the exact feeling
Of being cradled in your arms is fading
I can’t quite recall the steady
thump Thump
thump Thump
The rhythm lost like motes of dust sucked into grungy overhead vents
i love you i love you i love you i love you i loved you i loved you i loved you it was real
please god
please
let me
go
back
please