Bottle of cheap whiskey sitting on my desk
Ruminations of how I got to this point
Screaming into my pillow because I’m dead inside
Screaming into my pillow because I’m too old to punch walls
Screaming because this has built inside of me for so long
And I don’t know how to let it out
Screaming so hard my throat hurts
Ease the pain with another shot of Johnnie
Choke on the sour taste
The raw feeling in my throat
Coupled with the burning booze
It hurts
But it’s good
With every shot
Toast another mistake
Toast another attempt at something beautiful
Pour a little out for the death of our love
Pour some more
Screaming in my head
Screaming into the night
Stumble downstairs and light a cigarette even though I said I quit
Because no one loves a quitter
But no one loves a hypocrite
Clenching hair in hands and wanting to rip everything out
Sitting on the porch hunched over in a ball
Rocking back and forth and pulling straight from the bottle
Cold
I have died inside so many times
The phoenix of my soul tired and afraid
Weary of birthing itself anew
I tried
I tried so hard
Standing in front of the bathroom mirror
Hands wrapped around the sides of the sink
Breathing heavy
White knuckles cracking joints and refusing to look at my reflection
Bile taints the back of my throat
The taste of failure a familiar flavor
Cold
So cold
Wondering how it came to be that 21 year old me was stronger than I am now
Defeat has never tasted so bitter
Ruminations of how I got to this point
Screaming into my pillow because I’m dead inside
Screaming into my pillow because I’m too old to punch walls
Screaming because this has built inside of me for so long
And I don’t know how to let it out
Screaming so hard my throat hurts
Ease the pain with another shot of Johnnie
Choke on the sour taste
The raw feeling in my throat
Coupled with the burning booze
It hurts
But it’s good
With every shot
Toast another mistake
Toast another attempt at something beautiful
Pour a little out for the death of our love
Pour some more
Screaming in my head
Screaming into the night
Stumble downstairs and light a cigarette even though I said I quit
Because no one loves a quitter
But no one loves a hypocrite
Clenching hair in hands and wanting to rip everything out
Sitting on the porch hunched over in a ball
Rocking back and forth and pulling straight from the bottle
Cold
I have died inside so many times
The phoenix of my soul tired and afraid
Weary of birthing itself anew
I tried
I tried so hard
Standing in front of the bathroom mirror
Hands wrapped around the sides of the sink
Breathing heavy
White knuckles cracking joints and refusing to look at my reflection
Bile taints the back of my throat
The taste of failure a familiar flavor
Cold
So cold
Wondering how it came to be that 21 year old me was stronger than I am now
Defeat has never tasted so bitter