Lump of breath catching in my chest and it hurts
It hurts to breathe and it hurts to think
It hurts to know that what we’ve shared is almost over
It hurts to look at you and see what I’m missing in my life
Blurry vision as tears streak down my cheeks
And you don’t see
You don’t see how much this means to me
You don’t see how I’m breaking inside
How you broke down my walls
How you made me feel like I’m worthy of being loved
And now for but a moment is all I have left
All we have left to hold on to each other
The warm feeling of your breath on my neck
As your hair gets in my mouth and covers my face
Your heartbeat on your neck banging so loud in my ears
Ringing a death knell to our future together
Why didn’t I see?
I counted down the days until he came home
Each day falling more in love with you
Each day going to sleep with your name on my lips
With tear stained pillow coverings muffling the sounds of my sobs
I tried to compete with what you have with him
And I lost
I lost like everything else I’ve ever attempted to do
I came out last in a race designed for two
I knew this would be the outcome and still I let myself fall
I lied to myself
I did what I swore I would never do
All for you
All for you
And now my walls are down and everything is harsh
The light seems too bright and the world too cold and unforgiving
I was good
I was so fucking good at keeping it all at bay
I had thick skin and a single-minded notion that I deserved my lot in life
And then you came in and tore that all away
You showed me love and held me and made me feel like I might actually be worth more than the price of my education
You made me feel things that I never thought I’d be lucky enough to feel again
You made me vulnerable again
And I’m trying to shore up my defenses and rebuild these walls in the two days I have left before everything starts to hurt again
I need to rebuild the iron chamber that my heart and soul sat in before I met you
I have two days to go before my heart gives out again
Two days before I add another notch to my failure belt
Two days before I close myself off once again
Two days left to pretend that we can be happy together
Two days
All I have left is these two days
These two days and silent cries to deaf ears in a cold night that cares not at all for how much it feels like I’m dying inside
I can’t ask why
Because I know the answer now
Two days until I face up to the fact that happiness is not for me
Two days to hold onto enough love that I might actually survive you leaving
Two days
It hurts to breathe and it hurts to think
It hurts to know that what we’ve shared is almost over
It hurts to look at you and see what I’m missing in my life
Blurry vision as tears streak down my cheeks
And you don’t see
You don’t see how much this means to me
You don’t see how I’m breaking inside
How you broke down my walls
How you made me feel like I’m worthy of being loved
And now for but a moment is all I have left
All we have left to hold on to each other
The warm feeling of your breath on my neck
As your hair gets in my mouth and covers my face
Your heartbeat on your neck banging so loud in my ears
Ringing a death knell to our future together
Why didn’t I see?
I counted down the days until he came home
Each day falling more in love with you
Each day going to sleep with your name on my lips
With tear stained pillow coverings muffling the sounds of my sobs
I tried to compete with what you have with him
And I lost
I lost like everything else I’ve ever attempted to do
I came out last in a race designed for two
I knew this would be the outcome and still I let myself fall
I lied to myself
I did what I swore I would never do
All for you
All for you
And now my walls are down and everything is harsh
The light seems too bright and the world too cold and unforgiving
I was good
I was so fucking good at keeping it all at bay
I had thick skin and a single-minded notion that I deserved my lot in life
And then you came in and tore that all away
You showed me love and held me and made me feel like I might actually be worth more than the price of my education
You made me feel things that I never thought I’d be lucky enough to feel again
You made me vulnerable again
And I’m trying to shore up my defenses and rebuild these walls in the two days I have left before everything starts to hurt again
I need to rebuild the iron chamber that my heart and soul sat in before I met you
I have two days to go before my heart gives out again
Two days before I add another notch to my failure belt
Two days before I close myself off once again
Two days left to pretend that we can be happy together
Two days
All I have left is these two days
These two days and silent cries to deaf ears in a cold night that cares not at all for how much it feels like I’m dying inside
I can’t ask why
Because I know the answer now
Two days until I face up to the fact that happiness is not for me
Two days to hold onto enough love that I might actually survive you leaving
Two days