In the time between laying my head down to rest
And the yearning pull of blissful unconscious
I dream of you
Your features are vague outlines of the combinations of people I’ve loved
But I know it’s you
I dream of being on a porch and swinging on a bench I built for the sole purpose of sitting next to you
The dimensions too small for two strangers to sit comfortably
I dream of you walking into the kitchen
Hair tussled
Half asleep
Plopping down on a chair while I busy myself with making you coffee
Just the way you like it
I dream of arguing over whose turn it is to clean up yet another accident the dog made inside
Of lazy afternoons spent reading books in separate recliners but the knowledge that you’re near a comfort in itself
Days gone by I professed to desire a life of unending change
A life of constant movement and explorations of new lands
A life of avoiding routine with a vigor that encompassed my entire being
I used to want to know the world
Now my desires have changed from wanting to travel the world
To wanting to travel the world with you
I dreamed a dream where I was 60 years old and we had built a life together and I worked a steady career job and that was ok
I dream of mundane acts of calling you on the drive home to ask if we need anything from the store
Of stopping by your work on a Tuesday with flowers
Just because
I dream of standing in our yard with my arm around your shoulders reminiscing about the day 20 years prior when we planted the avocado tree we love so much
That stands as a testament to the fact that our love bears fruit that sustains us years into the future I dream of looking over insurance plans with you
Of glancing over bills strewn over countertops and going through the tedious process of setting up new automatic billing for all of them because the credit card expired
On our joint account
I dream of the feeling of coming to bed after a frustrating day at work and just lying next to you
I used to have nightmares about routine and about doing the same thing
Day in and day out
I used to scare myself with visions of the future in which I was not only satisfied but happy with routine life
But as the weight on my eyelids increase and I feel myself drifting further into the abyss of deep sleep
I imagine that my biggest fear is no longer waking up to the same thing every morning
But rather going to sleep each night without you
Because it’s not the routine that’s scary
It’s the fear of not having someone to share it with that keeps me up at night
But not tonight
Because tonight I’m graced with lovely visions of you
And the sense of wonder and longing that you elicit
Is enough to push me past the edge of sleepy and straight into actual sleep
The last thought on my mind as my breathing evens out
Is a silent prayer that somewhere you dream about me too
And the yearning pull of blissful unconscious
I dream of you
Your features are vague outlines of the combinations of people I’ve loved
But I know it’s you
I dream of being on a porch and swinging on a bench I built for the sole purpose of sitting next to you
The dimensions too small for two strangers to sit comfortably
I dream of you walking into the kitchen
Hair tussled
Half asleep
Plopping down on a chair while I busy myself with making you coffee
Just the way you like it
I dream of arguing over whose turn it is to clean up yet another accident the dog made inside
Of lazy afternoons spent reading books in separate recliners but the knowledge that you’re near a comfort in itself
Days gone by I professed to desire a life of unending change
A life of constant movement and explorations of new lands
A life of avoiding routine with a vigor that encompassed my entire being
I used to want to know the world
Now my desires have changed from wanting to travel the world
To wanting to travel the world with you
I dreamed a dream where I was 60 years old and we had built a life together and I worked a steady career job and that was ok
I dream of mundane acts of calling you on the drive home to ask if we need anything from the store
Of stopping by your work on a Tuesday with flowers
Just because
I dream of standing in our yard with my arm around your shoulders reminiscing about the day 20 years prior when we planted the avocado tree we love so much
That stands as a testament to the fact that our love bears fruit that sustains us years into the future I dream of looking over insurance plans with you
Of glancing over bills strewn over countertops and going through the tedious process of setting up new automatic billing for all of them because the credit card expired
On our joint account
I dream of the feeling of coming to bed after a frustrating day at work and just lying next to you
I used to have nightmares about routine and about doing the same thing
Day in and day out
I used to scare myself with visions of the future in which I was not only satisfied but happy with routine life
But as the weight on my eyelids increase and I feel myself drifting further into the abyss of deep sleep
I imagine that my biggest fear is no longer waking up to the same thing every morning
But rather going to sleep each night without you
Because it’s not the routine that’s scary
It’s the fear of not having someone to share it with that keeps me up at night
But not tonight
Because tonight I’m graced with lovely visions of you
And the sense of wonder and longing that you elicit
Is enough to push me past the edge of sleepy and straight into actual sleep
The last thought on my mind as my breathing evens out
Is a silent prayer that somewhere you dream about me too