Quitter

Disappointment etches and designs the lines of my mind
As I sit here thinking back on a better time
Because it seems to me
That I’m living each day in fantasy
And it would appear to be
That’s I’m just living on borrowed time
It reminds me of a smile in the back of my memory
When I could just hold you close in my arms
And be content with god’s design
But alas those days have past, and though I wish I could bring them back
No amount of reminiscing can make those
Memories come alive
And the days keep trickling by
And sometimes I just wanna cry
But I think what difference would it make for my eyes
To reflect what I feel inside
What must come will come
Regardless of what I do or try
So what difference does it make if I give up now
And hope that somehow I don’t regret
Having never fully tried
Is it so wrong to want to be free
Of these shackles chaining me
That at every turn I spurn the advances of a helping hand
Like some disease
This pain eats at me and chips away while I tell everyone I’m fine
But this metaphorical tumor growing inside
Is no longer benign
And with each setting of the sun I get closer to a fate that befits
A man who could never truly commit
‘Cause each time it got hard I just threw the towel in and quit
Shit
But now I’m getting closer to the truth of the matter
And before I can explore my feelings farther
I think, I better stop before I get too deep into this shit
It’s a paradox the way I go around
Trying to figure out what’s going down
But always giving up at the first sound
Of the bell
Signaling the end of the first round
And here I stand wishing I had stuck it out till the second round
And realizing that would have been my personal best
Is less than profound
And each day I tell myself I’m going to try harder
Push myself farther
But these empty words fall on deaf ears
And I find myself acting more like my father
Giving up at the sign of every hurdle
Hoping one day these apologetic word will
Bring me some comfort
But at the same time knowing they mean nothing at all
And all these words and anecdotes are like a rope
That I yearn to strangle myself with
But that too would be giving up
And frankly, I just don’t have the will left to quit